things #23

RIP to the Twin Towers, Catperson (film), and a Pelican ate my shit

This is the series where I talk about something of personal interest with you guys. Each week I’ll talk about 3 things in the hope that you too find the same experience that I had – or at least in the hope that you are entertained.

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Apple Juice caused 9/11

When you stay up at night, tossing and turning like an epileptic, struggling to fall into the slumber you so desperately need, there is only one thing keeping you up. For you are haunted by the mystery behind the true perpetrators of the September 11^th attacks. Endless voices swarm your noggin in their ἐκκλησία of superstition. To end this ailment of yours, I have been sent down to rid you of this great unknown and answer the final question “What caused 9/11?”.

Waren es die Juden? – Nein

Waren es die Saudis? – sorta

War es der Irak? – Absolut. Deshalb mussten wir sie angreifen.

But you see, really, it was apple juice mixed with vodka that caused 9/11.

Herein lies the truth my dear friends. Because those dancing jews did not exist – twas a figure of ur imagination u antisemitic piece of shit.

If these chuds did not make a stupid concoction of apple juice and vodka, then we would still have twin towers (high aura building btw) and 2977 souls wouldnt have been taken from us.

Smh shake my head.

9/11 was a tragedy.

Ah fuck the wifi isnt working and I cant finish watching the boys.

Smh shake my head again.

But yes, now u guys can all rest well at night, for u know that it was apple juice (*hands do a whispering gesture over mouth* mixed with vodka)

*Bert Kreischer freaks out*

Vodka!!! stfu, youre blowing my mind right now!!!

*starts chudmaxxing via jestergooning*

Catperson (film)

So huzz #1 told me to watch this film called Catperson, which is not rated very highly at all.

But she loved it, so I had to see what it was all about.

And like yeah the film was kinda good, but it pissed me off in an odd manner which meant I gave it two stars.

Cus there is this huzz who be the main character, and she be like kinda kool but also very weird (which I like).

Now she starts dating this older guy played by Nicholas Braun, who is a total loser.

His dick game – wack!

His clothes – wack!

His haircut – wack!

He be wack all around ygm.

So when he be wacking it up and accruing massive aura losses by the bushelful i.e. by being a horrible kisser, this huzz has some sorta mental compensation mechanism in place. This reconciliatory mental state, came in the form of fantasising about shit that made the situation feel sigma.

So when she be getting a horrible kiss, she imagines he be in his therapists office discussing how he was so nervous about pleasing her that he messed up the kiss.

And she be making up these fantasises all the time to make him seem like a kooler, kinder, better guy.

But he aint that. He very much not that. He a bottom bitch. He a bitch’s bitch. Matter of fact, he the type of guy who wanna get his ass ate yet refuses to eat out.

And I like the way the film displayed this satisficing of life with fantasy, but it cringed me out so much cus I felt like I was that chuddy guy.

So I told huzz #1 this and she assured me that I was not.

Yet I am that fat fucking chud.

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Alluded I am by your grace,
Your style, Your demeanour and pretty face,
It seems too much for one man,
to be inculcated in this game of fate;
where souls meet at purgatories gate.

Yet I cannot stay too long,
I have to go.
As waves crash and howl,
must this tide of love forgoe,
any credence of violent passion.

I wish I could stay,
and be enamoured with this divine state;
but my soul is trapped in this fiery place.
Skin burning - Eyes crying - The branches of my soul removed;
By what reason have I been made to castrate,
the very essence of what brought me to you?

- Zaytan by Rumi

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Animal rights

So after discussing PMI, I realised twas kinda fun to explain some academic stuff in a short schizo manner.

Thus in that spirit, I’d like to bring up a small academic point on animals rights.

Cus there be this dude named Hohfeld (Hoe felt) (Hoe’s feel things too – respect hoes) (hoes before bros).

Now this hoe ass goon came up with these 4 distinct typa rights: privilege-rights, claim-rights, power-rights, and immunity-rights.

Here’s a pre-written paragraph I wrote up two years ago to explain.

Privilege-rights afford a privilege to the right holder and established what the right holder has no duty not to do. For example, I have a privilege-right to watch Golden Girls on DVD iff I have no duty to not watch Golden Girls on DVD. A claim-right allows the right holder to claim a directed duty from a duty bearer. For example, I have a claim-right against others from not using my Golden Girls DVDs without permission iff the rest of society has a duty to me to not use my Golden Girls DVDs without permission. These two rights (privilege and claim) are known as first order rights, they pertain to the direct relationship between an agent and their property. Power-rights afford the rights bearer to alter their own rights or others’rights. For example, I have the power-right to abolish my claim-right to the usage of my Golden Girls DVDs. Immunity-rights refer to an agent having immunity from another being able to alter their rights. For example, I have an immunity-right against others from being able to alter my claim-right to the usage of my Golden Girls DVDs. These two rights (power and immunity) are second-order rights, and they pertain to the relationship an agent has with anyone’s first-order rights.

And yes, I do own all of the Golden Girls on DVD. Matter of fact I own two sets of all the Golden Girls episodes on DVD – one for DVD region 1 and the other for DVD region 2.

Now if ur following, there is a slight issue when we apply certain rights to animals, as they lack the social norms of human beans. We all have these duties that we attempt to fulfil as social beings yk. And this sorta shit is like the backbone of rights and shit yk.

It’s like when that donny DB Lyons puts it “there can be no right without a corresponding duty, or duty without a corresponding right, any more than there can be a husband without a wife, or a father without a child”.

And so, we all like know we shouldn’t poop on other people’s shoes or attempt to eat a baby whole – it’s our duty not to do that shit. But a dog or a pelican has no duty, and thus they have a privilege right to everything. Therefore, they have the privilege of pooping on ur shoes or attempting to eat ur baby whole (it is self-evident ofc that the pelican poops on ur shoes and the dog eats ur baby whole, cus who’s ever heard of a dog pooping or a pelican eating random creatures).

But yeah, it’s like a small minor academic point, which I think is kinda fun. There is ofc like more to it, but I’m just giving u guys a basic point with no critical analysis. Cus hey, this is ‘I like things’ not ‘I do philosophy’.

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So yeah, that’s this weeks edition of things. Stay tuned till next week for - wait for it - more things. That’s right guys, I’m gonna talk about more things. And then the next week after that. [Pause and think]. Yes that’s correct, more things will be discussed.

Cus at the end of the day, I like things, and I like to talk about things.