things #5
Justin Timberlake is a brother, Big Booty is great, Emily Carruth is Goated
This is the series where I talk about something of personal interest with you guys. Each week I’ll talk about 3 things in the hope that you too find the same experience that I had – or at least in the hope that you are entertained.
Justin Timberlake was light-skinned
Imma say it once ok
That brother was not rice-skinned, he was light-skinned
Like yk when there’s like a beautiful voluptuous woman with some random ass white dude, and everyone be like “mhmm mhmm that white boy can’t handle all that”.
Yeah well like my boy JT (Jayquan Timberlake – but Timberlake is pronounced like Blake and not Blake yk) he got that sauce
That white boy got sauce and yeah, he can handle all that
I mean when him and Timbaland teamed up in the 2000s. Damn. That was the fucking shit.
And then he be saying on Club Shay Shay yeah, “this white boy cold”.
And I know in the deepest pits of my crippled soul, that between 2003-2008 he only wanted to date black woman. But Big White made him only date white women. They collaborated and colluded within their network in Hollywood (pronounced Flint Lockwood) to ensure that JT did not realise his light-skinnedness in public. It is all part of the bigger scheme within the Media Klan to stop brothers from shining too much.
But to everyone being stunted on by Big White and their new production of Wuthering Heights (2025), just remember this. If JT can make it, so can u.
Although JT didn’t make it if u think about it. They went all “They Cloned Tyrone” on his ass and made him into some Michael Buble ass white man.
Like Friends with Benefits (2011), nuh-uh. No no no no no. Yeah, no no no no. No way Jose.
JT would never have done that shit. RIP to JT, may he vibe in peace.
The word “Big Booty”
You say the word “Big”, you just gotta say “Booty” afterwards
And if someone says “Booty”, u just gotta clarify by asking “Big Booty”?
These two words r just meant to be, like PB and J, or Lorelai and Rory, or my bathtub and electrical items.
Its like Persona ok, they just be persona-ing until its one word. Like “Big Booty” is just one word.
I’ve retconned it.
And is it not a beautiful word? Dost thy soul feel ever so empty whenst not filled with the sweet sweet sounds of “Big Booty”.
Big Booty over here
Big Booty over there
Big Booty everywhere
That’s all I wanna hear man. It’s why everyday, I listen on repeat to 2 Chainz Birthday Song, when he goes “She got a Big Booty, so I call her Big Booty”.
That shit was fucking beautiful guys. Like so, she got this Big Booty right. And this is a lady right yeah, and she got this big ol badonkadonk at that back of her truck yk. And u be seeing this shit and like damn, “She got a Big Booty”.
Now some sorta phillistinic simpleton would fail to appreciate this. And then they may bark or scream in joy.
Smh, shake my head
But 2 Chainz, who is a connoisseur and artiste, decides to sublate such a tiresome state of affairs and seeks to bring about a more artful essence within the Booty-Geist. He’s like “ok, such a wonderful sight must be accompanied with a beautiful word. But like one cannot detach the sight from the person. See a person exists within their totality. There is something very holistic within the essence of a person. And one cannot simply see them as a sum of their parts, for the parts are only useful in its totality from which comes its meaning and function. Thus, I shall not comment on her Big Booty, and so I shall instead call her “Big Booty”.
A fantastically splendid move on the part of 2 Chainz I must say. Spectacular indeed!!
And so like 2 Chainz, we should all be thinking more on “Big Booty”
Emily Carruth
An innovator, entertainer, philosopher, intellectual, polymath, creator, comedian, provocateur.
What more is there to say?
Emily Carruth is a shining stone within the goldmine that is tik-tok. She is the kohi-noor of the crown jewels.
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Her ingenuity and comedic skill, is nothing short of sheer brilliance.
She has single-handedly invented a new form of comedic tik-toks, whereby you do something right, and then it goes black and then you do something again, and maybe make some sounds and then black and then again yk.
Fantastic stuff!!
And people have followed in her footsteps. Such inspired tik-toks are great, but nothing can match the original. Like when she talked about anti-biotics and yeast infections, that shit was radonkulous.
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I look up to Emily. This is a great woman of history right there. Up there with Napoleon, Caesar, Harambe, Cheney and all the other greats.
So yeah, that’s this weeks edition of things. Stay tuned till next week for - wait for it - more things. That’s right guys, I’m gonna talk about more things. And then the next week after that. [Pause and think]. Yes that’s correct, more things will be discussed.
Cus at the end of the day, I like things, and I like to talk about things.
I like this
might sound a bit controversial but i think i like this